plans
by and the whispers commence
Summary: A simple Birthday one-shot for Lindsey aspens.momma13 . Happy twentieth, m'dear. AU, slight OOC. Bella/Edward. T for safety. In which Edward's new favorite color is red, many a liquid is spilled, an ass is grabbed, and Rosalie and Alice congratulate themselves for such magnificent planning.


plans

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_Pay special attention to the numbers at first._

…

**ii.**

She supposes that she's never _hated_ him really, just disliked him to the point that she wouldn't mind if he was seriously maimed or injured. Then again, she was never the type to wish death upon anyone. The very thought sent a shiver down her spine.

Oh, no.

Never wish death upon another.

Yes, she was quite firm in that statement.

But that didn't stop her from thoroughly… _disliking _him.

That's why her boss is absolutely crazy. Bat-shit crazy. Insane.

**i.**

"No, Miss Swan, I will not tolerate this nonsense!" Rosalie Hale demands sharply. "You will finish this report with Mr. Masen and that's final. If I hear so much as another whisper of a complaint, I will fire you for incompetence. Understand?"

Completely angered, Bella gives a slight nod and storms out of the office.

The superior blonde leans back in her office chair with a slightly sinister grin.

Yes, this would work perfectly.

Alice/Rosalie set-up plans never fail.

Ever.

**iii.**

Bella leans back, folding her thin arms and giving the copper-headed male a wary glance.

What the hell kind of hair color is copper anyway? What are you, a penny? No, you're a person.

_Dumbass. _

"Swan," he greets, seemingly cheerful.

And his eyes. Ridiculous. Nobody is born with eyes that utterly _green_. It's like looking into the Emerald City of the Wizard of Oz. He has got to be wearing contacts.

"Masen." Her voice is filled with venom and he gives her a quizzical glance.

"On the rag?"

Pure rage shakes her petite form. "_Excuse me_?"

"Kidding." He gives her a dazzling, or, really, _supposed-to-be-dazzling_, crooked grin.

Instead, it just pisses her off further. "Can we just start working?" she snaps.

He quirks a brow, but says nothing further.

**iv.**

Edward, when accepting this job, had no idea he'd have to fill out a full report with such a complete spitfire.

He swears that this Bella chick's hair is _crackling_. Like electricity has filled it or something.

The very idea of having to spend so much time with her is preposterous, but…

Enticing.

Yes, this will be quite exciting.

Besides, her hair and eyes remind him prominently of chocolate, and he's always had a soft spot for brownies.

(That spot also transferred to a physical area on his stomach if he neglected to take his nightly run.)

"Honestly, do you always stare this much?" she demands hotly.

He just smiles.

The anticipation is already starting.

**v.**

Edward decides that he's a dead man.

He was curious, undoubtedly so.

She was always so prim. The bread-and-butter type.

So, like any reasonably irritating male, he _accidentally_ happened to spill his iced tea all over her white blouse.

Bella, of course, seems quite close to spearing him in the eye with pen she has clenched tightly in her hand, but is too focused on herself.

Or, technically, the now see-through blouse.

Edward isn't entirely unrewarded. He gets brutally slapped, yes, but he now knows the Isabella Swan likes to wear racy, lacy bras underneath her proper button-ups.

Who knew she had it in her?

**vi.**

Bella is already forming murder schemes in her head.

Mostly brutal, horrifying images.

Some of which, she struts around in nothing but her bra and matching panties just to get him back for violating her. Murdering someone in what they wished to see seems like a reward, but no, he has to suffer.

"You can look, but you can't touch," she sings happily to herself, practically skipping to her office.

_Screw never wishing death upon someone. I'll give it to him myself!_

Rosalie is beginning to think that she and Alice may be the initial reason for a homicide.

Whoops.

**vii.**

"You're looking particularly angry-nymph-ish today. Did something happen?" Edward asks with a wolfish grin. He calmly sips a latte.

Bad idea. She hits the cup hard, sending the liquid all over his shirt. "All men are cheating bastards or sly, perverted pigs. You happen to be both."

(She's ashamed to admit that his abs are definitely toned and drool-worthy.)

"Excuse me, but I would never hit a woman. And you owe me a new shirt!"

"Really?" she asks sarcastically. At his nod, she continues dryly, "Consider it payback. And so you don't have to soil another one of my good blouses, it's red today."

Red is suddenly Edward's favorite color.

And he's also decided that he will _have_ Bella Swan. As his. Forever.

**viii.**

"_Was that Swan and Masen?"_

"_They couldn't have possibly been kissing!"_

"_But she's such a frigid bitch!"_

"_I thought she hated him…"_

"_He was totally grabbing her ass."_

"_I, personally, would like to be in his position."_

"_Bet you the anger makes it passionate."_

"_I hear that when they first got together, they liked to spill things on each other to see each other practically shirtless."_

Alice and Rosalie exchange grins. "See, we're never wrong," Alice assures.

"Yeah, now we just have to find a way to boot Lauren I-Don't-Own-A-Mirror Mallory…"

…

_Fin._

…

_So, um, I can't even explain myself._

_So, er, Happy Birthday, Lindsey!_

_I love you!_

_Cheers…_

_Review?_

_-i'll be a runaway (Lauren)_


End file.
